What a year!

It's been one hell of a year, hasn't it?

I've returned to the workforce following an 18-month sabbatical during which time I think I've learned how to write, have begun to understand my daughter which is one of the best things I could have hoped for, and my son is blossoming.

On the down side, I have fallen even farther away from my mother and sister than I had expected, and am still struggling with how to have a healthy relationship with someone who loves me. (Frankly, I can be such a bitch around him that I can't stand myself.)

The deal with my mom and sister occurred over Christmas. (Oh, how horribly predictable!) I knew the trip home would be difficult, but hadn't figured just how uncomfortable I'd feel there. Now, when I say home, what I mean is the town where my my mother and sister reside. It has never been my home, but theirs.

It was the first time I had seen my mother in almost three years due to a rift in our relationship. I'm not sure what I expected, but her decline into complete self-interest wasn't it. Not that she hasn't always been overly-involved with herself, but seeing how that tendency has played out with age was a shock. Unless she is talking about herself, during which time she is animated and mentally sharp, she stares off into space caught up in her own thoughts and completely disinterested in conversation going on around her. It was as though her metal acuity or personality could be turned off or on in an instant depending on the topic of conversation. Granted, she's not a young thing anymore and so can be forgiven the eccentricities, lags in memory, or other such things as come with great years. But she gets around so well for an new octogenarian that I hadn't anticipated this... what can I call it? Vacuity isn't really it as she's sharp as can be when she cares to be. Self-absorption is the only label I can summon.

She didn't bother to ask her grandchildren how they were, how our various flights or drives were, nothing. Zip. The only time she spoke was about herself. And she can do that for hours, literally.

It was weird.

Then I had a disagreement with my sister and discovered something new. (Why is it the new discoveries are always about the things which are so obvious?) She has always been wrapped up in a simmering rage that takes little to provoke. Those around her learn to walk gently and avoid her temper when possible. But this time I couldn't and told her how upset I was. She responded by attacking my character and name calling. Her version of a reasonable discussion, I suppose. I realize that her anger with me was warranted. I'm no saint. It was her approach that was unnecessary and, frankly, harmful to our relationship. Why had I never noticed her verbal punches before? Because I didn't want to. I've lived with a version of our relationship that made me happy. I wonder now whether this image actually exists.

So, when she was finished yelling, I walked away much saddened. Pat, my kids and I left the following morning making the fourteen-hour drive home by early evening.

It's good to be here.

And now the new year hearkens. I haven't a clue as to what it holds for us, but I do know that my focus is going to be on my immediate family and our relationships with each other -- listening to my daughter and helping her to trust me more, laughing with my son and helping him push beyond his limits, and yes, being a better mate (although this truly scares me.)

I wish a fulfilling, contentment-making year to all my friends, Becca, Stephen, Richard, Kristina, John, Peace Mama, MaryJoy, Carrie, Lisa, Martha, Erin (I love you tons,) members of my writing group, Gail (yes, we must get together for coffee soon,) Donna (great luck with the new book,) my students, and others not mentioned here. Please know that even when I drop out of sight for a bit, I am still thinking about you and wishing you well.

Lots of love,
Colleen

Safe and sound

The men have just pulled into my sister's driveway, safe and sound after a tense couple of hours travelling through a winter storm.

I'm so relieved they've arrived.

We almost thought they might get in before the storm hit, but about halfway between Quebec City and Montreal, Mother Nature unleashed her gale slowing traffic to 40 km/hr through Montreal and 60 km/hr thereafter.

Now I can relax and so can they.

Sis has some lovely homemde soup and lots of hugs waiting for them.

Now, back in N.S., we'll have to see how this storm plays out for my students' first news conference scheduled for the morning!

C

Christmas is on!

We're all going home for Christmas. It'll be the first time in 2.5 years that I've been back to Ontario and am really looking forward to having Christmas with my sister.

Yes, I enjoy having my kids and hubby and other friends and family around, but it's spending Christmas with my sister that's really special. We have our traditions, you see. Traditions that only she and I truly appreciate. Singing carols off key on Christmas Eve is one example. (And to be perfectly honest, I'm the onely one off key, she's better than me.)

My daughter flew to Ottawa on Wednesday to hang out with her friends for 10 days before the rest of us arrive. Pat and my son left 15 minutes ago with a car loaded with gifts. I am trying to visualize clear skies and roads for their trip despite the blizzard that's blowing in from the west.

That leaves me with 5 days to myself. Woohoo!

Okay, I have to buy two more small gifts, work each morning till noon, and make turkey dressing and cranberry sauce to bring with me when I fly out of here on Thursday, but that's it. That's it.

WOW.

I can't remember a time when I've had so little to be responsible for.

I think I'm going to head back to bed with a book. (Robertson Davies, World of Wonders, the final in his Deptford trilogy.)

Sigh.

How lovely.

Maybe I should call to see how the trip is progressing.

C

Catch Up

Whew! Things have been busy.

Thanks to everyone who has sent me a note or posted a comment. I appreciate knowing you've been thinking about me.

As you may know, I've recently returned to the world of paid work and have taken a job as an instructor at a local, private college where I teach the public relations course. It is an accelerated, advanced diploma program. I teach each day from 8 a.m. to noon. We are covering theory, writing and special events and will get to all the other required courses over the course of the year. Teaching ends at the end of August when the students will leave for their field placements after which, they will graduate.

As a class project, we are helping two local school teachers -- Jeff and Jenny -- who are leaving Canada in January to climb Mount Kilimanjaro as a way of raising awareness of the plight of a group of children at an orphanage in Kenya. The children have been moved from their village in East Pokot to Nakuru to avoid tribal warfare in the region. Drought has caused famine which has caused tribal skirmishes.

We are seeking corporate sponsorship and other funds (yes, feel free to donate!) to raise $15,000 to renovate the orphanage, develop sustainable, educational programs, and help fend off famine through "famine drops" -- bi-weekly food deliveries to more than 1,000 villagers.

Jeff and Jenny also need a laptop to bring to the orphanage to facilitate working there.

As part of our awareness- and fund- raising, we are also seeking in-kind donations -- products to auction off at a Valentine's Day auction on or about February 7.

We are hosting a news conference on December 17 and hope to have the technology to link with J&J when they reach the summit as another awareness-raising event.

If you're interested in finding out more, please visit their website at: www.climbing4kenya.com

Wow! That turned into a total pitch.

Back to the planned personal update...

After classes, I tutor my darling daughter who has her final provincial hair stylist exam mid-January.

Do I need to say that by the time I get home, I could pour my brain onto the floor like gravy over Christmas dinner?

Hence my inability to write either my blog or my actual manuscript.

But there are the holidays to prepare for, classes to prep, the Write for Rights campaign to launch (see my other blog for info about that) and other sundry items like staying on top of my son's homeschooling to take care of.

Whine, whine, whine. (Yes, I would like a little cheese with that.)

Ah, I hear the pitter-patter of my son's size 10 feet stumbling up the stairs. (He has promised to write a couple of letters in support of human rights for today's write-a-thon.)

I hope you are all doing well and take time over the holidays to do something to make the world a better place.

Love,
Colleen