Bird by Bird

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the
intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -
Buddha

Weather forecast: A few flurries ending this morning then sunny. Wind northwest 40 km/h gusting to 60 becoming north 30 this morning then becoming light this afternoon. High minus 2. UV index 4 or moderate.

Actual weather: Gloriously sunny, high winds, cold.

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My wonderful friend from Alaska sent me a book on writing, Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott. The reason I so love it -- beside the facts that 1) it's from Becs and 2) it's a gift and who could hate that? -- is that Anne seems so emotionally fragile. She's also very funny. The book is based on content from a class she teaches on writing.

Here are a few things from her book that I'd like to share with you to give you hope and make you smile -- maybe even get you thinking.

"Nor do they [my students] want to hear that it wasn't until my fourth book came out that I stopped being a starving artist. The do not want to hear that most of them probably won't get published and that even fewer will make enough to live on. But their fantasy of what it means to be published has very little to do with reality."

"... good writing is about telling the truth."

On the panic that sets in when sitting down to write: "... all I have to do is write down as much as I can see through a one-inch picture frame. This is all I have to bite off for the time being."

"For me and most other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts."

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people."

"Just don't pretend that you know more about your characters than they do, because you don't Stay open to them. It's teatime and all the dolls are at the table. Listen. It's that simple."

"Plot grows out of character."

On dialogue: "... we have all the pleasures of voyeurism because the characters don't know we are listening."

That's as far as I've read. More tomorrow.

I wish you a day of good writing!

C

Happy First Day of Spring

Weather forecast: Snow changing to rain showers this morning. Snowfall amount 2 to 4 cm. Rainfall amount 2 to 4 mm. Fog patches early this afternoon. Wind south 30 km/h gusting to 50. High plus 5.

Actual weather: Heavy snow, gusting winds, poor visibility.

Time for the warm rhythms of the Gypsy Kings!

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As I progress down the writing path, one thing I am coming to appreciate is the lively interaction in this community. I began writing fulltime one year ago and kept my nose to the grindstone, beavering away without lifting my head up long enough to see what was happening in my new community. (My corporate work habits hadn't/haven't died yet.)

Now that I have taken time to begin looking about me, I am awed by your generosity and vibrancy. Wow!

I can spend hours reading your blogs about your experiences, about tips and techniques, about hope and encouragement. I'm starting to feel like I'm on the edge of something bigger and it's really exciting.

Thank you, everyone!

There's something about which I'd really like to talk with you about -- the struggle with self-doubt.

I sit here, at my desk -- piled with books, papers and CDs, cough drops and hand moisterizer -- gulping coffee like its the elixir of youth, and I write. Day after day this is what I do. And then I read what I've written and I rail at what I've put on the electronic page decrying it for the tripe it is.

Every once in a while, I like something I see there, but then I berate myself for having an inflated ego or not knowing my arse from my elbow.

Am I alone?

Do you struggle with this too?

If you do, or if you've arranged an intervention for someone who does, what does one do to overcome this? Or is this one of the many joys of being a writer? If it is the latter, then I am some writer, as folks in this part of the world would say. Some writer.

But balance would be nice. Don't you think? The ability for rational self-assessment.

I try to be calm. I try to meditate but can't shut my mind off. I light candles and play relaxation music until I begin to think that if I hear one more waterfall or bird chirp I'm going to go mad. Drinking at 8 a.m. is out of the question.

What do YOU do?

Colleen


BTW... I have moved all my posts from the IDEAS blog to this one I will see what I can do about moving the comments over later today. I'm sure there was some spiffy way to import the content, but I couldn't figure it out so it's been a manual process. (How do you spell tedious?)

Writer's Block

Something that I've been reading about on numerous websites is the issue of writer's block. It's a problem I've never had. (Overflow and focus would be more my issue.) I think this is because of my background in PR. (See previous post for the downfall of this training!)

(Knock on wood. (KOW) No, jump up and down on the maple floors, rub the pine shelving, shake the birch desk. Whatever preventative power wood has to mollify the fates, I am all over it.)

So, while writing to deadlines has created an editorial moron of me, it has also created someone who can write anytime and pretty much anywhere. Now, that doesn't mean that everything written is going to be pretty, but I've not had the experience of staring at a screen and not been able to get going somehow. (KOW)

An immutable deadline does that for you. That and the desire to collect a paycheque.

Usually, when a project looms a lead will come to me and the rest follows. It's tougher when a lead doesn't present itself. On those occasions, I just start typing. It primes the pump and words flow to greater or lesser volume.

What do you do to overcome writer's block?

I'd love to hear from you,
Colleen

Learning to write, uh, edit

I am beginning to understand the notion of editing.

Yes, I can see you shaking your head at me... poor pitiable boob that I am.

The reason it has taken me so long to figure out that editing is more than searching for typos is my years of writing for PR -- my once-chosen field. In public relations, everything, and I mean everything, is written to a deadline. Those deadlines are most often ridiculously tight and are continuous. An adrenaline junkie's wet dream.

My habit then, has been to write as quickly as possible, do a fly-by edit for obvious structure or other flaws, then get the piece out the door and move on to the next project.

Now, I'm not talking about the demand to work with a deadline a week or even one a day. I'm talking about multiple, sometimes shifting, deadlines daily. I'm talking about working with clients who, bless their little hearts, can change diretion and desire on whim -- and normally minutes before a product is scheduled for production or print.

And I am no stoic.

Therefore, like Pavlov's dog, I have learned that writing implies rushing, striving, getting to the goal as quickly as humanly possible. It is why my son feels impelled on occasion to wheel me away from my keyboard and push my office chair to the dinner table. It is why my partner complains that I am unavailable for weeks on end. And, it is why I haven't figured out how to edit.

Cause that takes time. Lots and lots of time. Bogland, cold molasses, and weighted feet kind of time.

Bloody hell.

Wish me luck.

(And have a Happy St. Paddy's Day!)

Colleen
(This is a re-posting from: Ideas Change the World All the Time posted on March 17, 2007.)

Slow down, take a breath

So, Mercury's out of retrograde. Thank gods! That was a crappy week.

Now, about this writing shtick... We writers are truly neurotic, aren't we? Thinned skinned, over-analyzing every rejection letter that comes our way, wishing we had thesauri in our brains.

If you're anything like me, then you just need to calm down and take the time to learn our craft. (Did I just say that? "Craft?" Yikes!) After all, I've only been doing this for a year. Or it will be a year at the end of March. I've got a lot to learn.

But as my friend, Lynn, wrote to me yesterday: "You and slow go together like oil and vinegar."

Sigh. It is true. I want everything to happen yesterday. Like I'm running out of time. I wrote my first manuscript in a couple of months after starting it long ago and then sitting on it for years, not writing anything at all. By the time I got back to it, I wasn't into it. I had moved on to a different place in my head and my life and the content no longer felt real to me. But, I also felt that I had to finish it, for the achievement of completing something. I didn't want to move on to another story leaving one unfinished. (I had already done that a couple of times.)

However, by the time manuscript (MS) #1 was completed, I hated it. Couldn't wait to write the next one. Was snarky and irritable in my desire to move on. (Just ask those who live with me!) Then I pounded out MS #2 in 16 days. I think that's got to be some kind of record. Of course, I mean draft 1. Then came the rewrite, but I still think that 60-odd thousand words in 16 days is pretty impressive. No slacker am I! But, same thing as with MS #1, I couldn't wait to finish it and move on to the next story. But the concept had been swirling around in my head for so long that I had to get it onto paper before I could move on.

Yesterday, I finished the first draft of MS #3. And ya know what? I think I like it. There are moments in the book that I'm proud of -- and that's a rarity for me.

When I say "moments in the book" I mean those phrases or passages that strikes one as being authentic. For example, I get that sometimes from Stephen King. He is critically slammed all the time, and yet, there are moments in his writing when he captures a moment (usually when he is referring to something from childhood)that I read and say: "Yes, that's it. That's exactly how that felt for me back then."

Isn't that what we, as writers, want to achieve? To strike that chord? Make that connection? Speak someone's truth?

For me, there are a few bits and pieces of that in my current oeuvre (Aside: Isn't that a piece of pompous wordsmithing?) that I'm happy with. (Ah, and now the Canadian in me niggles and prods me to say something self-denigrating like: Oh, gee, well, it's not really that great. I mean, it's just mine...) Gotta love those neuroses.

But today, writers-in-arms, today begins the edit of MS #3! Do I hear trumpets? Is the sun rising, kissing the horizon as I speak this? (Actually, since this is NS, it's raining and grey, but I'll ignore that.)

Let's take a collective breath, appreciate the time we have to write, and move forward -- slowly, smelling the roses and all that.

Colleen

The depths of blackest despair

Last night, I received my first rejection letter from an agent. Not that I haven't had e-mailed rejections based on query letters, because I have. But an honest-to-goodness rejection letter from someone who actually read my manuscript. That's a different thing altogether and so, the hurt is deeper.

The letter was actually quite lovely -- or in comparison to what I imagine some can be like. It was not an impersonal form letter. It was a letter pointing out the strengths and weaknesses of the story, what I can do to sell it and wishing me luck and giving me encouragement to go on.

So, why do I feel so bad?

It's my damned insecurities telling me that I can't write, that I should give up, that I am a talentless twit! That I should to back to having a regular job and stop sucking up my retirement funds thereby risking an old age fuelled only by cat food (the cheap kind) and puddle water. Ah! I can't bear it.

But I hear chocolate beckoning so maybe the day will turn out alright after all.

C

Focus, girl. focus

Today's the day.

Sort of. Or perhaps I should say, it's a day of sorts.

The day the courier company delivers my manuscript to the desk of the reception person at the agent's office. (Or to the front stoop where some wandering person with an eye for literature could scoop it up and the world would lose the opportunity to make me famous.) So, when I say that today is the day, I mean that the the week-long journey to have a ship-by-ground courier package sent from Nova Scotia to New York is upon us. (The parcel should have arrived yesterday, but some guy named Lincoln had a birthday on Monday and messed up delivery dates. Thanks a bunch Mr. L.)

The manuscript could be read by the agent anytime over the next couple of weeks -- she has it exclusively for three from date of posting. THAT day will be THE day. But since I won't know when THAT day will occur, today is the SORT-OF day, based upon the delivery milestone being accomplished.

Today, I sit before the computer repeating the mantra provided to me by my wise, Reiki-practicing friend: "Abundance flows freely into my life from multiple venues." She has instructed me to say this any time I find myself deriding my lack of talent or expecting rejection. "Don't send out an order for bad things or they will happen," Reiki master (mistress?) is likely to say.

I'd like to take a moment to point out that the agent in question actually requested my manuscript based on a query letter sent to her the week previous. (I love her already.) I like to think of this as a step in the right direction as my first manuscript generated zero enthusiasm. I would also like to believe that if book two doesn't result in publication (Abundance flows freely into my life from multiple venues)book three will.

Of course, each time I say the mantra, my Virgo brain wonders about the grammatical correctness of using the term venue. Can abundance flow from a venue? Perhaps, but it sounds awkward. I would be happier to use the word sources. But making such a change causes me some concern. I wouldn't want to mess with a mantra. Who knows what kind of focus-testing has gone on resulting in the selection of just the right words. Maybe the cosmos likes venue. Who am I to argue with the cosmos?

While pondering universal connectedness, severe monkey brain has me in its grip as I jump from writing to researching, to reviewing a proposal from a business partner, to writing a grocery list to sending out e-mails to friends. I think I need to get away from this busy-ness. Perhaps I'll go and have a nice, warm bath, light a few candles, play some soothing music and repeat: Abundance flows freely into my life from multiple venues about 5,000 times. Think it will help?

Colleen